Okay so just a few days ago I was saying that I was struggling with understanding the Lord. Well here I am again never thinking that I would be dealing with yet again another circumstance that unless the Lord does a miracle of epic proportions another baby/babies are going to need help.
Yesterday my mom was talking with my younger sister Cheryl and she told my mom she was pregnant. Not only is she pregnant but they say she is having twins and that she is about 7 weeks along. Can I just scream.........AHHHHHHHHH, she told my mom that she just didn't have enough money to buy her birth control. Ok so buy condoms...sorry I digress. One would think after having to give your first child up for adoption that you would do whatever you had too to make sure it didn't happen again. For all those thinking like I did that 7 weeks was to early for them to know that she was having twins, she was in the emergency room not knowing she was pregnant and was having pain or getting sick. Not exactly sure what made her go to the hospital but I guess through all the questions they did a pregnancy test and then a sonogram.
Once again I am left remembering all the scriptures but I am really struggling right now. I mean WHY would she be able to have no problems and yet I know so many people that have had all kinds of challenges getting pregnant, carrying to term, having babies with health challenges, etc. I guess my other struggle is that I know that Life is a gift from the Lord and I know that these babies are special and the Lord has a plan and a purpose for them. On the same token why couldn't these babies be given to anyone of the good Christian couples out there that so desperately want to have children but can't. I know that there really isn't an answer but it just seems so WRONG that these people who can't even take care of themselves have babies and you can't do anything about it until something horrible happens. I was asking my mom about the possibility since Cheryl has been documented having mental and emotional problems of them taking the babies away from the get go and she said there wasn't until something happens. Which I guess I knew but was hoping that maybe I was wrong.
Another thing that is a challenge for me to understand is we all knew that twins run in the family and that anyone of us could have them. So why her and not my older sister Jes or me. Either one of us would be able to have handled twins better than her. Plus the babies father isn't much better than she is and I don't know about his family but I have a feeling the are a lot like Dessiaree's mothers family. They aren't married and are currently living with his grandmother who has told them that they can't stay there with a baby. Which will probably mean that it will have to be my family that will eventually have to step in and make sure that they are being taken care of and they are ok. I certainly wouldn't depend on the pediatricians or hospitals that are taking care of them to make sure that everything is ok, Dessiaree had been seen two weeks prior to us seeing her and apparently the doctors either didn't see anything or didn't want to deal with it.
I think I am feeling numb right now. This weekend on Saturday I was able to go and see my brother Johnny in the detention center. It was so emotionally taxing and draining. On the one hand I feel very sorry for him and the other part of me tells me that it was his choices that put him there because he wouldn't listen to my mom. I can't imagine having to visit him for years that way. I pray that if you have never had to go and visit some in jail that you will never have too. Just sitting in the waiting room was hard it felt like the walls were so close and I am not usually claustrophobic. He is doing good and thankfully he said that they have him in lock down which keeps him from the general public, which we were very thankful. He said he has only had a few threats, but no one has tried to hurt him. He will be in the Harford County Detention center at least until May 28 I believe and then once that court date and sentence is given than they will move him down to Baltimore City. I am believing that the Judge will see the truth about the resisting arrest charges and that he will only get probation.
Well thanks for reading my rantings. I pray tomorrow I can tell you all the Mike won his softball game. He plays on our churches softball team.
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4 comments:
I know it's crazy!! I told mom that I thought we were supposed to be going from Strength to Strength - not crisi to crisi! It's such a strange world we are living in! Trying to figure it all out is sending my brain into overload!
Nice job on you blog!! I know Ethan said he's been reading it!
Love you sis!
Hard up for words, I am. Terrible doesn't even come close. It sounds terrible but I wish she had been sewn shut after the first time. I'm so angry and sad and frustrated at what things you guys keep having thrown in your lap to deal with. I'm glad you are still leaning on the Lord about it... please don't stop. Don't try to understand it... there isn't anything to understand. These are things of our own doing that God gives us free will to do, and we and our families reap what's sown... but God's grace is there to create good in our badness, to show his glory in the messes we make. As horrible as it is, its still our actions, not his and we should point the blame at what we do, and point our cheers at what God does to make good out of it.
Praying for you all.
Sorry if that seemed a bit crass... I hope I didn't offend anyone reading... I wasn't able to go back and edit :(
My mom found this song (she plans on using it in concerts) and she read the words of it to me today. I thought of this blog entry and thought it could help.
"The Promise"
I never said that I would give you silver or gold
Or that you would never feel the fire or shiver in the cold
But I did say you’d never walk through this world alone
And I did say – don’t make this world your home.
I never said that fear wouldn’t find you in the night
Or that loneliness was something you’d never have to fight
But I did say - I’d be right there by your side.
And I did say - I’ll always help you fight.
Cause you know I made a promise that I intend to keep
My grace will be sufficient in every time of need
My love will be the anchor that you can hold on to
This is the promise – this is the promise - I’ve made to you.
I never said that friends would never turn their backs on you
Or that the world around you wouldn’t see you as a fool
But I did say like me – you’ll surely be despised
And I did say – my ways confound the wise.
I didn’t say you’d never face the bitter kiss of death
Or have to walk through the chilly Jordan - to enter into rest
But I did say I’d be waiting - right on the other side
And I did say – I’ll dry every tear you cry.
Cause you know I made a promise that I’ve prepared a place
And someday sooner than you think you’ll see me face to face
And you’ll sing with the angels and countless multitudes
This is the promise – this is the promise - I’ve made to you
So just keep on walkin’ don’t turn to the left or right
And in the midst of darkness, let this be your light
That hell can’t separate us and you’re gonna made it through
This is the promise – this is the promise I’ve made to you
This is the promise – this is the promise I'VE MADE TO YOU!
-Kevin
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