When does it get easier?

Yesterday when I went to pick up Ellie and Joshua from Mikes moms house, Joshua was walking with one of those toys to help them learn to walk. I know that I should be excited because my little man has learned something new bit it made me a little sad because I missed it. I had to watch the video of him instead of being the one taking the video. Am I really crazy for having those feelings? I feel like as a parent Mike or I should be there for these such events. It was hard with Ellie and I thought it would be easier this time but it isn't. Please don't misunderstand, I am so very thankful that we Mikes mom is there for us to watch the kids, because otherwise we might have had to move to outer Mongolia so that I could be a stay at home mom. It still tugs on the heart strings when you miss firsts, if that makes any sense.


I think I feel guilty that I am not able to be there for my children like my Mom was for me. I know that times were different and I know that we didn't have a lot growing up but I think I am a much better person because of the sacrifices she and my dad made. It's funny but just the other day I was talking to Kera and we were talking about the kids growing up and how it sometimes feels like they are already have. When I watch Ellie sometimes it almost seems like she is a teenager instead of a four year old. She wants so much to be a "big girl," that my heart aches cause I want her to enjoy being four. I can remember my mom and dad telling me the same thing when I was a kid and how before I knew it I would be older. Parents are so wise, I love you mom and dad! It reminds me of the song "Don't Blink," because truly it does seem that it happens that fast.


You have to learn to trust the Lord that He truly is going to take care of your children when you are not with them. I find it funny but even when I leave them with either set of grandparents or even my sister parents I struggle a little bit. It definitely has gotten better but I know that I still have a ways to go before I have completely given them into the Lord's hands. I know that they will do everything in their power to keep them safe but I still have to trust. It is truly a weird place to be , I guess this is all hitting me because we are letting Joshua spend the night for the first time tonight.


Anyway here is the video of him walking, at the end it almost seems like he celebrates his accomplishment. I you don't smile I think there might be something wrong with you, ha ha.

Here are a couple of pictures that I took yesterday of our two cuties! Joshua loves playing with the keyboard and mouse, I guess he might follow in his daddy's footsteps. He also really, really loves bath time now because he can get in the big tub with Ellie. Amazingly he was not afraid of the jets or bubbles when we turned them on. I had to take the one of Ellie sleeping because this is about the only time that you can keep her still, when she is passed out.